Just, to be happy?

In the midst of a terrible marraige, I went to counseling, several times. One question always asked of me was, "what do you want"? My answer was always the same, "Just, to be happy?" I wanted to know what it felt like. I needed to know it was possible. For me Happy came with age and wisdom. I'm finally ok with who I am, and what I am. I can finally say out loud I'm a good person, and a good mom.

My married life was the same as the life I had always known. I was fat, not good enough, stupid, couldn't do anything right, no one else will ever want you, oh and I can't forget ugly too. I was used to that kind of abuse, it was normal to me, it was just life. I didn't know it could be different for me. Until I noticed it was having an affect on my boys. Greg was 8 years old and affected the most by what was going on in our house. I didn't want them to grow up and be one of "those men", my father or their father. Abusive, either physically or emotionally, I wouldn't raise someone to be like that. So one day I decided to leave, just like that, I was done. I didn't know how I would take care of 3 small boys, but I knew I could do it. AND I DID It was very hard for a very very long time. Their childhood didn't give them all the "things" they wanted, but we were a family, and I knew I did the right thing. But I still didn't know happy. I loved my boys and they made me happy, but I was still missing being happy.

Now 18 years after the fact, my boys are all doing great, and are men I am proud of. And I am remarried, and finally HAPPY. It took a long time, but I can say it feels really good. Happy didn't come with getting married again, it was a long process, and he did help me along the way!

I will elaborate more on the other stuff here another time..........I just had to get started!